Car fun

51 Hilarious(ly Bad) Car Puns & Dad Jokes

December 17, 2019
There’s no denying the power of a good “dad joke.” They’re gut-wrenchingly awful and otherworldly corny; but, as cringe-worthy as they are, dad jokes have a certain charm that can’t be denied. Here are 51 of my favorite car-related puns and dad jokes to help brighten your day—because who isn’t tired of these 4:57 PM sunsets already? I know I am.

  1. Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car’s hood? Because he wanted people to shout, “Look at that S-car go!” when he drove past.
  2. When Jimi Hendrix was 16, he was in a car crash. Luckily it was just a Fender bender.
  3. What happens when Kermit the Frog’s car breaks down? It gets toad.
  4. Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver? Because all she does is hog the road.
  5. What kind of vehicle does a chicken drive? A coop.
  6. Why can’t motorcycles do push-ups? Because they’re always two-tired.
  7. Kids, I bought the cat a new car. It’s a Cat-illac.
  8. What type of car does the dog hate? A Cor-Vet.
  9. If Yoda owned a business, I bet it’d be a…Toy Yoda Dealership.
  10. Did you know that Teslas come with a unique “new car” smell? They call it “Elon Musk.”
  11. I heard Gordon Ramsey drives a cool car. Must be a Chef-rolet.
  12. What’s got four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
  13. I accidentally drove my Subaru Outback into the river. Now it’s a Scuba-ru.
  14. What did the traffic light say to the car? “Turn your head while I’m changing!”
  15. Uncle Buck lost his left arm and leg in a terrible car accident. He’s all right now.
  16. Where do canines park their cars? In the barking lot.
  17. My wife said I’d never be able to afford a car by selling Chef Boyardee. You should have seen her expression when I drove pasta.
  18. What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S? Automobile.
  19. What kind of vehicle does Skeletor drive? A Zam-bone-i.
  20. Two French cheese trucks just crashed! Looks like there’s da’ brie everywhere.
  21. My car’s favorite meal of the day is…Brake-fast.
  22. Why did the washing machine schedule a test drive? Because he wanted to go for a spin.
  23. What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis.
  24. Did you know all cars have snakes? They’re called windshield vipers.
  25. When is a vehicle not a vehicle? Once it turns into a driveway.
  26. Did you read about the scientist who bred a Mustang with an elephant? Now he’s got a convertible with a giant trunk.
  27. Did you hear what Sir Mix-A-Lot named his car? Anna Honda.
  28. Did you hear the University of Phoenix offers a program for used car salespeople? Now you can major in car-deal-ology.
  29. I had a nightmare last night that someone hit me with a car muffler. I woke up absolutely exhausted.
  30. What do you call a vampire who has the power to lift a car? Count Jackula
  31. An ice cream truck almost crushed me today. I was udderly terrified.
  32. Rumor has it that Dyson is going to develop an electric car by 2025. I bet it’ll really suck.
  33. What happens to cars when they turn 13 years old? They have a car-mitzvah.
  34. I really need to get my car fixed. What body shop to you wreck-amend?
  35. An electric car hit a cyclist the other day. It got arrested for assault with a battery.
  36. What kind of vehicle does an egg drive? A Yolks-wagen.
  37. You know what really grinds my gears? Clutch failure.
  38. Did you hear Kansas City has a new drive-through Greek restaurant? It’s called Lamb-Burger-ini.
  39. I got gas for $1.99 at lunch. Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.
  40. I wanted to buy a new electric car. Their prices are just too shocking.
  41. What do you get when you crash a cement truck into a bus full of convicts? A bunch of hardened criminals.
  42. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the DMV? Don’t worry, he woke up in time to take his driving test.
  43. What’s the best pickup line? Probably Chevy’s.
  44. Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck? He wanted to bust a move.
  45. My side mirror busted so I taped a Hall and Oates album on it. Now I can CD cars in my blind spot.
  46. When I was a kid, your Uncle John used to put me in a tire and roll me down a hill. Ah, those were the Goodyears.
  47. I ordered that new auto part for you. It’s Honda way.
  48. If I owned a DeLorean…I’d probably only drive it from time to time.
  49. Wish I could park my dead car in the garage. Too bad there’s just not enough vroom.
  50. You should get a job at a transmission repair shop. I’m sure you’ll get used to the early-morning shifts.
  51. Did you know it’s against the law to own an electric vehicle in Africa? They only allow Mada-Gas-Cars.
I got a good chuckle in… And maybe a few groans. How about you? Have another fun car-themed pun or joke that would make dads proud? Hit me up on Facebook or tweet at me, and let’s see what you’ve got.

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